Fro-Yo

27/03 FRO-YO

Sometimes when something becomes a fad, so popular, pops up everywhere and transforms into a beast of an industry its easy to forget what it actually is. Which is exactly how I see frozen yoghurt, easily over complicated with big machines in pine strewn shops that look like a health conscious Scandinavians retreat. Ultimately all it is is yoghurt... frozen. Now how hard could that be?

Not hard, but requires some conjuring in a frozen cauldron. A transformative mechanical wonder that will work magic. If not use your arm to beat it on ice until it thickens and exhausts you. Then you'll deserve your creamy reward. 

Ingredients (all approximate) - 

250ml/2 Cups Full Fat Plain Yoghurt
250ml/2 Cups Vanilla Yoghurt
1 tbls Fruits of the Forrest (mixed berry) Jam
2 tbls Strawberry Jam

What I did - 

This is something that there was no recipe guiding the process so no doubt there is a better way, but none the less was perfectly delicious. Begin by beating together the two yoghurts so that the cloyingly thick plain yoghurt succumbs to the thinner vanilla flecks of the other. Add the spoon of berry jam and stir the glossy blackness into the white, giving it a good old lavender wash.

All combined now it should be thick and smooth and slightly viscose, which doesn't sound appetising but will be apparent when you lift the spoon and see how shiny and sticky it is. Churn the mix for about 8-10 minutes in an ice-cream bowl (for a stand mix) or an ice-cream machine or a solid upper arm over ice. Once the gloopy yoghurt solidifies and resembles a soft serve its ready to be quickly transported to the freezer.

However there is one crucial step which is a violent make or break - the JAM. Spoon the frozen Yoghurt to a waiting container, and then dollop the vermillion strawberry jam on the stop. Stir it through roughly. Not so it combines, more that it veins the yoghurt with deep slashes of red.

Freeze for at least 6 hours to set. Serve in slices, scooping doesn't work here and ends up with a sticky mess running through your fingers.

JG

Anime Broth

20/03 ANIME BROTH

The unbound glee I have when a new labyrinth of Asian groceries is discovered is childlike. My eyes dart from shelf to shelf, each laden with (to me) undecipherable tins and packets of produce. The only clues to go on are the glossy and abstract images plastered on each item. Hearing each shrill beep at the counter is like the sonic bleep from my Pokémon Gameboy, a collection of wonderfully alien ingredients . Gotta catch 'em all.

So this soup was born from one such adventure, where I snared a lurid yellow tin of chicken soup powder - an industrial version of the sachets in packet noodle. This isn't in anyway good for you, lurid not pretty, only redeemed by the fluorescent vegetables. Like Nintendo it is fast, immediate and addictive - and will leave you as sharp as a cartoon. I choose you.

 

Ingredients (all approximate) - 

1L Water
4 tsp chicken soup stock/powder/MSG
1 Carrot
1 Ear Corn
50-100g Ham
1 Egg

What I did - Follow the packet

A variation of the google-translated instructions on the tin of chicken powder, nothing fancy but instantly gratifying. Begin by starting the broth, bring the water with the chicken powder to a boil. While waiting for the heat to rise peel and finely dice the carrot into small pieces - the smaller the faster to cook in this case. Keep in a waiting bowl

Sever all the kernels from the cob leaving it barren and naked. Add to the bowl with the carrot. Take the slices of ham and fold a few times then slice into thin strips so that it unfolds as thin, meaty origami strands. By now the water should be simmering, so add all the ingredients and boil for just under five minutes, enough time to soften the carrot and release all the corns starchy sweetness.

Turn off heat. Crack and beat the egg into the empty corn bowl, stirring constantly mix in the egg and watch it instantly cook into fragile lace-like webs in the soup. Ladle into a large bowl with a handy and transfer to body for instant warmth and restoration. What came first the chicken or the egg? I don't know but both end up as soup.

JG

Bloody Murder

 

10/03 BLOODY MURDER

 

There is undeniable passion embodied in the colour red - lust and rage, blood and sex. Red is almost an absolute, so all consuming that when cause up in the heat of the moment all reason is lost. The imminent arrival of the Queen of my banquet of idols has delved deeper and deeper into my emotions and left me with a nervous wreck of a rebel heart. The intensity of my state of mind is echoed in the relentless attack of red in this plate.

Red Tomatoes have been flayed almost passionately torn apart. The flesh-like beetroot bleeding dark burgundy through the dish. Even the devil wouldn't recognize the pure white goats cheese now tainted with a bloody hue, like a virgin touched for the very first time. The smoked paprika and vinegar darken all the ingredients, taking the last life from the ghost town of a fridge and giving it its own tale to tell.

P.S. This was made in the extreme heat of the moment, and is actually far better over a tangle of peppery rocket leaves cold from the fridge - something I didn't have at hand.
 

Ingredients (all approximate) - 

100g Tinned Beetroot
1 Tomato
1/2 Tsp Smoked Paprika
1 Tsp Dukkah (sans. Peanut where possible because they are the devils work)
1 Tbls Vinegar
Sprinkle of Lemon Zest

 

What I did - 

Strew the bloody beetroot around a large flat platter so that they look like flayed pieces of purple flesh in a pool of blood. Slice the tomato thin, with almost samurai precision so that they resemble the inner workings akin to an anatomical drawing. Strew them over the beetroot. That's the base for the salad, and not only need some herbal remedies.

Crown with the pure chalky white of the goats cheese and watch as it is ruined by the blood from the beets. Dust with smokey paprika, the heat fighting off any unwanted spirits like incense in a cathedral. Then ceremonially throw some soil on the vegetable burial - add the nutty dukkah to the top. Finally cutting through the earthy sweetness with a pour of sharp vinegar and a fine zest of lemon.

The bloody plate has been put to rest, and appears gory and rich but is actually quite refreshing cold from the fridge or on toast or on salad leaves. This salad isn't Joan of Arc, but sometimes there is beauty in abject horror.

JG

Sticky Situation

27/02 STICKY SITUATION

Time seems to be elusive at the moment. The start of a new year comes with the feeling that everything that can happen will happen. When it doesn't quite turn out as expected that feeling becomes a subverted murphys law. Time to slow way down, and realize that its just another year full of deliciously sticky situations.

This recipe is the first sweet moment. Its a slow cook, an intense eat and will absolutely slow your mind down until meandering through life seems like a nice idea. It is very sweet but because its essentially a natural sweetness it isn't cloying. While divine on their own, these figs are transcendent with a curl of vanilla ice-cream. Relish these moments that we have, these moments of pleasure.

Ingredients (all approximate) - 

1/2 Dozen Figs
100g Raw Honey
1 Shot Whiskey

What I did - Oven preheated to 160

This is a recipe that cant be made without good ingredients, and ripe fresh figs are essential. As for the honey, keep it as raw as possible. On a ceramic baking dish stand the figs on their plump bottoms. drizzle, dollop or scatter  the honey (depending on what form it takes)evenly over the fruit.

Then feed them the shot of whiskey. The whiskey heats up faster ensuring the fruit release their juices and melt the honey leaving a dark burgundy syrup to bubble around the figs. Bake them for around 2 hours (before the sugar starts burning up).

You can leave these in the fridge and have cold, but they will seem sweeter. The heat takes away the sugary feeling, and leaves them glistening, dangerously hot and divine. Let them explode over thickened or iced-cream and melt a spinning mind.

JG

Killed Bill

17/02 KILLED BILL

We are all students of life, and it may be hard to comprehend but no one will ever call themselves master over their existence. All we can hope is to learn the five point palm exploding heart technique, or how to flick a silken moustache in contempt at the world - two skills only passed down from Pai Mei.

This vaguely Asian bowl was created in a similar state of worldly frustration, with half munched scraps from the fridge. However channeling end of the day exhaustion so masterfully turned out something to lift my grump, a bowl of wannabe Asian - yet intrinsically western - chicken and rice. I roared. I rampaged. And I got bloody satisfaction.
 

Ingredients (all approximate) - 

1/2 Chicken Breast (cooked)
1 Celery Stick
1/4 Capsicum
1 tbls Hot Chilli Sauce
1 tbls Plum Sauce
200g Jasmine Rice
1 tsp Nigella Seeds
400ml boiled water
Mint

What I did - 

Firstly slice the bit of leftover roast chicken in the fridge (otherwise any fish or meat you have lying around half eaten) into thin strips so that it will tangle and go farther. Then cut the capsicum and celery in the same manner to that they end up as white, red and green slivers. Pour the sticky sauces over and stir together until it has an unhealthy gloss. Leave to marinade and get the heat on.

Heat just being rice. Rice is one of those things which tends to either be great or awful. If theres a rice cooker available tip the rice and nigella seeds in and set to cook. Otherwise, and just as simply. Put the rice into a pot and slick with a drizzle of oil so that the grains don't gloop together when boiling. Fleck with the jet black seeds and then use the boiled water to boil for about 5 minutes, or until they look cooked.

Strain the rice and tip into a bowl. Then rudely interrupt the steaming white with the marinated leftovers. The residual heat is enough to make the ex-fridge scatterings nicely warm and let the marinade soak through the rise. Samurai some fresh mint for aromatic decoration.

JG

Mad Mex

08/02 MAD MEX

There is a hunger that strikes hard late afternoon. A hunger which cannot be satisfied with a mere meal, only tamed by a desparate rampage through the fridge. This dystopian scavenge drove me to create a grilled Mexican jumble, which is an excellent way of faking a plan where there was nothing but a lone tortilla lying in the fridge. All the ingredients here were the last bastions of their kind; the three mushrooms fated to be together for all time, the crippled capsicum and the last surviving egg.

All the ingredients were grilled simultaneously between a griddle, a frypan and in a oven grill. A feat of juggling that Cirque du Soliel fear to stage. Arranged together in a post-apocolyptic jumble on a so-hipster board and downed with an iced cider. Either the heat of the sun, the spice from the food or the stress of grilling in heat triggered darwinian survival instincts. This Mad Mex meal is fuel for the melting road ahead.

Ingredients (all approximate) - 

1 Egg
1/2 Capsicum
1/2 Avocado
1/2 Tortilla Wrap
3 Mushrooms
10g Parmesan
Chilli Powder
Salt + Pepper

What I did - 

Time to get the circus up and running. Pans at the ready. The main fact is that most of these ingredients don't need cooking, they just need resuscitating. The three cooking heats here are fun to juggle, can all be used or singularly if its all thats at hand. Its all about sending heat into the soul of the ingredients.

In the Grill: Heat as high as possible, start to grill the mushrooms with their round cloudy heads up. When they start to darken, before they get a burnt toupee, turn them over and blanket with grated parmesan and grill again until blackening. The juices will pool in the mushroom, and are blisteringly hot which will keep the cheese molten.

On the Griddle: Preheat the iron griddle for a few minutes so that its scalding. Cut the capsicum into large pieces, and then use a rolling pin (or heavy can) to bash them flat - This makes sure they grill evenly and release all their sweet juices. Then place them on the griddle carefully to avoid any hot splatter that they spurt. Scorch for about five minutes a side until burnt black lines appear. before you turn the first side, throw the tortilla onto the other side of the pan and toast until the pasty white becomes a lined tanned bronze - think Donatella.

Out of the frypan: Small drizzle of oil, crack the egg over and turn the heat on. Don't stress about this part, its just frying an egg. Even if it cracks just clean it up onto a place with a spatula. There's something satisfying about such a hot mess.

Arrange all the scorched pieces on a plate (or wooden plank to impress). Spoon out some pale green curls of avocado on one side and let a sandstorm of salt, pepper and chilli attack the plate. Eat in the sun while trying not to sweat. Then open a cider because its all about survival.

JG

Swimming Upstream

02/02 SWIMMING UPSTREAM

Returning home, to an old way of life can often be as isolating as being in a completely alien city. It takes time for your mind to adjust, for your body to settle and your sleep to synchronise to a new moon. With time away the old and familiar become foreign whereas constantly experiencing the new is common - if not always easy. There may always be a Starman waiting in the sky and if food is the one thing that can bring us back, this is the man who fell to earth.

All the elements here are from different meals since returning home, thrown together to help battle the intense seasonal change from minus five to over thirty degrees. The ingredients here are collectively light and hydrating, tied together with a sharp spritz of lemon. The only thing needed to help your body cope with the heat is a frozen glass of wine. We are all salmon fighting the current, but sometimes its best to let it take you home.

Ingredients (all approximate) - Cold from the Fridge

1 Salmon Fillet (steamed)
2 Heads Broccoli (steamed)
1 Wedge Lettuce
1 Egg (hard boiled)
Lemon
Salt + Pepper

What I did - 

Most times in summer the desire to cook is completely absent, so the simplest way to prepare this is to use all the old leftovers. The ingredients don't have to be exactly the same as here, but the combination of fish, an egg, a lettuce and steamed vegetable is perfect - all served cold from the fridge.

Peel the last few green leaves off the decaying iceberg lettuce, or nice fresh one if lucky. Folded them in half and sliced them into long thin strands, this helps keep them sharp as you pile on the other softer ingredients. Arrange the strands into a welcoming nest.

Dice up the head of broccoli so that its a fine green scattering which can be used to fill the lettuce nest. The salmon had previously been steamed for about 15 minutes and then the leftovers steeped in lemon juice overnight. This makes the pale pink flesh easy to flake apart and add to the green nest.

If there isn't a hard boiled egg in the fridge, quickly boil one for four minutes and then crack the shell off. Crown the fleshy salmon with the yolk before dusting in crystalline salt flakes and pepper.

These ingredients are all orphaned, but together help bring you back home. There's no place like it.

JG