Fro-Yo

27/03 FRO-YO

Sometimes when something becomes a fad, so popular, pops up everywhere and transforms into a beast of an industry its easy to forget what it actually is. Which is exactly how I see frozen yoghurt, easily over complicated with big machines in pine strewn shops that look like a health conscious Scandinavians retreat. Ultimately all it is is yoghurt... frozen. Now how hard could that be?

Not hard, but requires some conjuring in a frozen cauldron. A transformative mechanical wonder that will work magic. If not use your arm to beat it on ice until it thickens and exhausts you. Then you'll deserve your creamy reward. 

Ingredients (all approximate) - 

250ml/2 Cups Full Fat Plain Yoghurt
250ml/2 Cups Vanilla Yoghurt
1 tbls Fruits of the Forrest (mixed berry) Jam
2 tbls Strawberry Jam

What I did - 

This is something that there was no recipe guiding the process so no doubt there is a better way, but none the less was perfectly delicious. Begin by beating together the two yoghurts so that the cloyingly thick plain yoghurt succumbs to the thinner vanilla flecks of the other. Add the spoon of berry jam and stir the glossy blackness into the white, giving it a good old lavender wash.

All combined now it should be thick and smooth and slightly viscose, which doesn't sound appetising but will be apparent when you lift the spoon and see how shiny and sticky it is. Churn the mix for about 8-10 minutes in an ice-cream bowl (for a stand mix) or an ice-cream machine or a solid upper arm over ice. Once the gloopy yoghurt solidifies and resembles a soft serve its ready to be quickly transported to the freezer.

However there is one crucial step which is a violent make or break - the JAM. Spoon the frozen Yoghurt to a waiting container, and then dollop the vermillion strawberry jam on the stop. Stir it through roughly. Not so it combines, more that it veins the yoghurt with deep slashes of red.

Freeze for at least 6 hours to set. Serve in slices, scooping doesn't work here and ends up with a sticky mess running through your fingers.

JG

Anime Broth

20/03 ANIME BROTH

The unbound glee I have when a new labyrinth of Asian groceries is discovered is childlike. My eyes dart from shelf to shelf, each laden with (to me) undecipherable tins and packets of produce. The only clues to go on are the glossy and abstract images plastered on each item. Hearing each shrill beep at the counter is like the sonic bleep from my Pokémon Gameboy, a collection of wonderfully alien ingredients . Gotta catch 'em all.

So this soup was born from one such adventure, where I snared a lurid yellow tin of chicken soup powder - an industrial version of the sachets in packet noodle. This isn't in anyway good for you, lurid not pretty, only redeemed by the fluorescent vegetables. Like Nintendo it is fast, immediate and addictive - and will leave you as sharp as a cartoon. I choose you.

 

Ingredients (all approximate) - 

1L Water
4 tsp chicken soup stock/powder/MSG
1 Carrot
1 Ear Corn
50-100g Ham
1 Egg

What I did - Follow the packet

A variation of the google-translated instructions on the tin of chicken powder, nothing fancy but instantly gratifying. Begin by starting the broth, bring the water with the chicken powder to a boil. While waiting for the heat to rise peel and finely dice the carrot into small pieces - the smaller the faster to cook in this case. Keep in a waiting bowl

Sever all the kernels from the cob leaving it barren and naked. Add to the bowl with the carrot. Take the slices of ham and fold a few times then slice into thin strips so that it unfolds as thin, meaty origami strands. By now the water should be simmering, so add all the ingredients and boil for just under five minutes, enough time to soften the carrot and release all the corns starchy sweetness.

Turn off heat. Crack and beat the egg into the empty corn bowl, stirring constantly mix in the egg and watch it instantly cook into fragile lace-like webs in the soup. Ladle into a large bowl with a handy and transfer to body for instant warmth and restoration. What came first the chicken or the egg? I don't know but both end up as soup.

JG

Bloody Murder

 

10/03 BLOODY MURDER

 

There is undeniable passion embodied in the colour red - lust and rage, blood and sex. Red is almost an absolute, so all consuming that when cause up in the heat of the moment all reason is lost. The imminent arrival of the Queen of my banquet of idols has delved deeper and deeper into my emotions and left me with a nervous wreck of a rebel heart. The intensity of my state of mind is echoed in the relentless attack of red in this plate.

Red Tomatoes have been flayed almost passionately torn apart. The flesh-like beetroot bleeding dark burgundy through the dish. Even the devil wouldn't recognize the pure white goats cheese now tainted with a bloody hue, like a virgin touched for the very first time. The smoked paprika and vinegar darken all the ingredients, taking the last life from the ghost town of a fridge and giving it its own tale to tell.

P.S. This was made in the extreme heat of the moment, and is actually far better over a tangle of peppery rocket leaves cold from the fridge - something I didn't have at hand.
 

Ingredients (all approximate) - 

100g Tinned Beetroot
1 Tomato
1/2 Tsp Smoked Paprika
1 Tsp Dukkah (sans. Peanut where possible because they are the devils work)
1 Tbls Vinegar
Sprinkle of Lemon Zest

 

What I did - 

Strew the bloody beetroot around a large flat platter so that they look like flayed pieces of purple flesh in a pool of blood. Slice the tomato thin, with almost samurai precision so that they resemble the inner workings akin to an anatomical drawing. Strew them over the beetroot. That's the base for the salad, and not only need some herbal remedies.

Crown with the pure chalky white of the goats cheese and watch as it is ruined by the blood from the beets. Dust with smokey paprika, the heat fighting off any unwanted spirits like incense in a cathedral. Then ceremonially throw some soil on the vegetable burial - add the nutty dukkah to the top. Finally cutting through the earthy sweetness with a pour of sharp vinegar and a fine zest of lemon.

The bloody plate has been put to rest, and appears gory and rich but is actually quite refreshing cold from the fridge or on toast or on salad leaves. This salad isn't Joan of Arc, but sometimes there is beauty in abject horror.

JG